I know I use that hash-mark statement all the time: #dontjudgeme; I also say it often. There's a reason. People can be pretty harsh when it comes to their opinions of you. For the most part, I don't care what people think. Only a select few folks on this planet get that consideration. Everybody else.. well...too bad.
However, today I was reading a letter posted on "Dear Prudence." The letter writer was an older man, who found his wife to be "Super Hot, but Dumb"... The heart of the issue is that this guy got so excited by "incredible sex" and how gorgeous his wife is--not to mention the fact that he was overwhelmed and surprised that such a woman had given him the time of day--that he married her without ensuring that they were matched on anything other than sex and (her) looks.
Be that as it may, that was his choice. He got excited, thought with the wrong head, and married this girl.
What gets me, though, is that now, a year later, he's unhappy. WHY? Because he thinks his wife is dumb. His proof? She watches reality TV. Really? That's it? Not that she doesn't know the difference between six and half a dozen. Not that she put marshmallows in her pillow hoping to make it softer... but just because she likes reality TV, she's dumb?
Apparently, this guy is some computer brainiac, with deep-seated and profound political view points. He doesn't mention what he watches, but I can only assume that because he has such high intellectual standards, all he watches are PBS, CNN, and Instructional Videos. What a jerk!!
Look, I can hold an "intelligent" conversation with the best of 'um. I can even throw in a few graduate-level words, salient, ascertain, dearth, germane, and yes--exacerbate (those are a few of my fave's). But c'mon! I hafta take a break from that. I gotta be able to laugh at something just because its stupid or allow my imagination to be hijacked for a while, into highly intense situations that can't possibly be real. Ask me what I wanna watch for entertainment, you'd be surprised, maybe even appalled. Mindless, silly, crazy, funny OR intense, action, suspense, blow-um-up... will ALWAYS be my preference over the stuff on Lifetime, TBS, or even the regular TV networks.
Why, you ask? Because I deal with "smart" all day-- web code, drug regulations, legal documents, and smart-aleck clients (and colleagues for that matter)-- by the time I get home, I want to give my brain a REST! So yes, I watch shows that require as little brain function as possible, or shows that take my imagination, stroke it, twist it, and max it out*. I detest sitcoms, especially the ones that come on TBS, and I rarely watch the news... that's for early morning radio listening, ONLY.
The fact that I think Squidbillies is laugh-out-loud hilarious, or that I absolutely crack UP at Nene Leaks, and even the fact that I get lots of great tips from America's Next Top Model, doesn't make me dumb. The shows might be, but that's why it's called entertainment! I think it would be depressing if I lived the challenges of life, business, and work all day long, only to come home and immerse myself in even more of the same drudgery. Instead, I prefer to escape into entertainment that just can't be real. I mean, how does Jack Bauer get out of EVERY situation?? I mean you just. can't. kill the guy!!** So what if I secretly wish to be a contestant on Survivor, and that I have seen every episode of Family Guy ever made (I think)! Those guilty pleasures don't make me dumb. In fact, I think they round me out. They cater to my sense of humor and provide a temporary escape from the trials of the day. Making me a better, laughier, easier to deal with person.
This guy, however, is so insecure that he has to flaunt how smart he is--even to himself! I mean, really. Who wants to be intellectual ALL the time??
Look, what I like to watch doesn't define me. And I am thinking that what this guy's wife watches likely doesn't define her either. He's probably just so "appalled" at her interest in such "mindless filth" that he hasn't even taken time to talk to her about anything beyond her behind, her boobs, or chandelier swinging... Honestly, he said nothing about what HE likes to watch, which makes me wonder... how much time does he spend watching Spike TV or "Skinemax"?? This guy was just too condescending for my tastes... and to think that he called HER dumb... Uh, excuse me sir. You married her!
Personally, I think if the woman knew what he'd written about her, she'd send her own letter to Prudie and point out how DUMB he was for not selecting someone based on long-lasting, meaningful qualities. Or maybe, she'll write in and say, "I may be dumb, but I am smart enough to get HALF on the way out...SUCKA!"
Once it hits the fan, the only rational choice is to sweep it up, package it, and sell it as fertilizer.
* I love Jack Bauer!
** For real, I think he's the last great superhero.
This morning, as I do every morning just before I exit the bed, I checked Facebook (don't judge me). And I saw a post by a woman who was upset that another one of her clients was holding up her money. In that post, and in the background story she had posted a week before, I remembered all of those times that clients, who were "so happy" with my work, had held up my money and made my life miserable. But I haven't experienced that in a while, and I really had to take some time to think about what changed. How did I put an end to the "perpetually pending payment?"
Oh, how I remember my early design days--I was so glad to have the client,so glad to be adding to my portfolio, so glad to have the prospect of more money coming in. I would quickly gather information about the project and set to my best work, wanting to wow my clients and show them that they indeed made the right choice in selecting me as their Web designer. I would work with them to create or edit content, find pictures, and organize the site. And THEN I'd do the graphical and HTML work. When it was all complete, TADA!! The big reveal! The excitement! The pride! The accolades! The client was happy, I was happy... it was smiles all around. Truly, as a creative designer of any type (whether you're a builder, musician, artist, etc.), I think the best moment is when you reveal that final product and the client is overjoyed with what you've done. It's the best moment in the whole ordeal.
And then it was time for payment. As a fledgling designer (and before the invent of paypal) I mainly accepted checks... And though the client was ALWAYS pleased with the final product (no matter how long it took), it rarely motivated them to pay me on time. The check was always being cut "tomorrow, when I get back to the office," or it was (say it with me) "In the mail..." or the client was "so busy last night that I forgot all about it, but I got you..." It could take me weeks or MONTHS to be paid in full for a site. So, I considered a few principles and implemented them in my business dealings, and in doing so, I have made conducting business much easier--and yes, I get PAID when I'm 'spose to...
1- VALUE YOUR TIME.
What does your education, expertise, technology, etc mean to you? What did it cost you to get the knowledge you have? How much did you spend on software and equipment to be able to provide the service you provide? That's the cost of doing the job. You don't make money until you have reimbursed yourself for the client's use of those resources. If the client isn't paying you for your knowledge, skills, and abilities, then you have not made one penny's profit. Your fee should be a reasonable representation of what it will cost YOU to complete the project + a markup.
2- ACT LIKE A BIG DAWG
My niche has always been to provide affordable design to churches, non-profits and small businesses. My selling point is that what a large firm would charge $3,000 to $4000 for, I can provide at a third of the cost. It appeals to organizations and business owners who know that having a site is imperative, but who also know that the very basic site can start in the four-digits--unless you opt for a template design that you have no control over, managed by a company you can never contact (that's a whole 'nother blog..). So I had to sit and think: "What would this potential client be required to do if he/she went to a large design firm?" My cost might be peanuts, comparatively, but my business principles must be just as astute. Do your research-- in my case, I freelanced for a large company. And in doing so, I learned what "they" did. I also learned that the client will do what is required of them IF you require it, and make it "non-negotiable" from the start.
3- DECIDE HOW YOU WILL AND WILL NOT BE PAID
When I started designing Web sites as a hobby back in 1997*, the idea of customized websites was so new, and cutting-edge, even, that I was excited just to have the work. The client was beyond impressed to have a site, and I took whatever money the client and I thought was acceptable. This is probably how most service-based consulting businesses begin: something you like or can do, that eventually turns into something profitable.
In 2004, when my "real job" closed down, I decided that I would design full-time. One of my biggest problems was figuring out how the heck to budget my personal finances based on "The check is in the mail..." Well let me teach you a short lesson here, lovvies: you can't. You'll only be stressed out with bills behind, and ready to fight or go to court. I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to "pull a Stewie":
Now, you'll likely get your money. But I should warn you that should you decide to go this route, you'll likely put an end to your business (and your freedom).
Anyway, the whole point of having a business is to generate meaningful income, right? I mean, if you don't mind working for free, that's one thing. But if you want to be able live off of what you do, it's important that you not just think about HOW MUCH you will charge, but how in the world will you ensure that you actually RECEIVE THE MONEY??
Well let's start here: The time to talk money is always upfront. The client is motivated to pay as long as there is a need. Most clients aren't motivated to pay you because you did such a great job... Quite the opposite! They are ready to show off and use their new [whatever you provided]. As a service provider, you must use your time wisely. You know that the client is going to get a great service from you, and in this whole ordeal, it is your responsibility to manage and to take care of the client and you. Once a client deems that your price is acceptable for the service they are requesting (and they're all excited about getting it), get the necessary details to ensure that you can be paid.
For me, it was no longer allowing fees to be paid via check. I moved to a credit card/paypal only system. AND I set my system up so that the payments and the payment schedule are maintained on my end, rather than relying on the client to remember or to come through. Before I will even open Photoshop and insert the first graphic layer, I MUST have a payment agreement and money--all or in part--in my hands. Before I moved to this policy, I agonized over the issue of payments. Again, since I cater to smaller budgets, installments are usually easier to manage than one big lump sum. Large firms want big bucks, and they want it all up front. So allowing clients to break the cost of a project into payments sets me apart and makes everybody happy--at least it should. So I had to go back to the point I made above in section two: what principles do these firms use to ensure that they get their fees?? The answer came as a result of working with that larger firm and seeing that clients will do what is required-- if they want your service and payment is required in full, up front, they will pay it. If a credit card is required to remain on file for all "you-related" charges, they will provide it**. YOU govern how and when you will be paid.
How? You create policies. And don't be afraid to tell a client, "This is how I do business" and even "I may not be able to assist you with this project." Think about it... will they have it easier if they go to another firm? If they use another designer, song-writer, photographer, business consultant, etc., will they have it any easier? Will they get a better product, for a lower price, with great service?? Probably not. I have never had to "not" take a client because of this, but I have had to explain that some aspects of my service are non-negotiable. I don't make apologies and I have yet to lose a client because they didn't want to pay me fairly. I can't stress it enough. Find out what the big boys are doing... and then do it.
4- And lastly (for today at least): ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS*** USE A CONTRACT.
No matter the size of the job or project, get it in writing. If you don't watch Judge Joe, Judge Mathis, Judge Marilyn Milian, or Judge Judy, as a business owner, commit yourself to 2 weeks of watching. You'll get some good laughs from Joe or Mathis, maybe learn some Spanish from Marilyn, and maybe get "highly" peeved with Judy (she can be so MEAN!), but you will also learn some very important lessons about what NOT to do in business.
Not only does using a contract make you look like a professional, it lets the client know that you take your work and their business seriously.
You're doomed if you simply discuss a project with a client, and his agreement to pay you consists of: "I got you." Expecting someone to just pay an invoice when the project is complete doesn't work either. Besides, how will your clients know EXACTLY what they are getting if you don't have a "meeting of the minds" (i.e., a contract)? For example, I once read a post on Facebook that went something like this, "How do you expect to get a top-notch product for little or no money? You can't expect my best work if you're not willing to pay for it..."
Let me say now that I wholeheartedly agreed with the post. **** BUT had this individual sent the person a contract and said, "for $300 this is what you will get," AND "This agreement does not include [whatever services you don't provide at the lower rate]," the client would not have been expecting this Facebooker's $10,000 product for $300. When you work under a contract, not only will the client get what they paid for, but they will know all of the details before hand. In my office, our VP would call it "managing expectations" (he loves to say that during meetings about unruly clients).
Now, if you want to provide your services under a contract, but you don't really know how to come up with a good one, here's what you do: First. Google some templates--that will help you with the legalese and the organization of it all. Second. Sit down and think about every "bad" experience you've had with clients--projects lasting too long, late or non payments, clients who expected more than what was cost-effective to provide, etc. Write them down if you can. Third. Think about what you want your client to know about what you'll be doing--after all, a contract is an agreement of exchange between two parties. You want their money, but what will you give them for it? What's your timeframe for completion? What exactly are you going to do? How will they know when you're finished? How many re-works/revisions will they get? Think your whole process through... And write that down, too.
The end product should be a document that leaves little room for misinterpreting what the client wants/expects, what you will do, and what you expect to receive (and what the client agrees to give you) for doing it. Take that to an attorney or have some spiffy online attorney take a look at it, to be sure all of your legal bases are covered and... VOILA!!
Ok, so go now. Get your pen/paper, laptop, iPad, Xoom, or good ol' desktop 'puter and start brainstorming. Think of ways you can best serve your clients, improve your business, and take care of your financial needs. I promise you, if you put some thought into this (and yes, the contract will likely evolve over time), your client relationships and your business in general will vastly improve. And you won't have to call Johnny No-Nose to handle your light work just so you can get what you've earned.
"If you can’t face it, moon it."
* that's right, I'm old school-- I can make 'um from scratch. No Dreamweaver needed
** Just be sure to demonstrate that you have a policy that will protect their information and keep it private.
*** ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS (no, really, ALWAYS)
**** Maybe some other day, I'll post my gripes about people who always want a "hookup"-- your 110% product for their pennies. They irritate me to NO end. Volunteering works for non-profits, NOT for independent contractors!!! smh
Well not like the kid here (cause he'd be in a coffin today) but my kid has ramped up her "Punch Buggy" game, and, as comedian Kevin Hart would say, "It's. About. Ta Go. Down."
You know the game. Anytime you see a Volkswagen Beetle/Bug (whatever), you punch your neighbor in the arm and yell, "Punch Buggy [color]!! No punch-back!"* You point out the car, and laugh your head off while the victim rubs his or her arm and gives you a dirty look. It's usually a game played between siblings in an effort to liven up a long, boring car ride, but not in my case. My daughter is the current, reigning (self-proclaimed) champion. And she's on a rampage. Any person in any car is fair game--so I'm telling you now, beware.
Here's the problem with Loo. She never stops playing. She is always looking, always searching. She's lightning fast and she punches HARD. Those little fists can create quite a jolt of pain..and it LINGERS. I think she watches every car that goes by, because I don't think she misses one. EVER. What's worse, she cheats. I don't think it's fair that she gets to punch me when we pass the house on the corner--that VW is there everyday--and the one near the school, too--those shouldn't count. But she punches me anyway. And then sometimes, she'll just punch me and yell "Punch Buggy" even when there isn't one. Now if THAT'S not cheating, I don't know what is.
This morning she was spottin' um left and right. She got me 3 times on the way to school, and I mean it hurt. See, when I spot a punch-buggy, I at least consider her arm pain, bruises, etc. You know, I soften the blow a little. But nuh-uh... no more. That kid is leaving marks! So this morning, after the first hit, I decided I would get her back. Whewwwee! I was planning to light her arm UP! I tried to focus on the cars that were coming in the opposite direction, but I couldn't. It's too hard to be on the lookout and drive at the same time. So much so that even while I was searching/driving, she found two more that I didn't even see until they were in my rear view mirror and my arm was on fire.
So for real, I am plotting my revenge. Maybe a VW Beetle sales lot. I'll just drive around, and we'll see who racks up more punches. I've also considered buying one and driving by her school during lunch time so that her friends can "punch buggy" HER for me.. That's right, punch-buggy by proxy. Maybe I'll plot a punch-buggy day. I'll post on craigs-list, asking people who own VW Beetles to drive down my street. I'll pick that day to chill outside with Loo... Ha ha, punch-buggy GALORE!
Look, don't judge me, ok? I'm not a bad mom. It's not like I want to hit her because I'm angry, or because we have some crazy, dysfunctional relationship. This is strategy. It is revenge. It's game playing at its finest. And I have put her on notice. So don't be surprised if you see me, Loo and The Boss** driving down the street, with Loo and me staring intently into oncoming traffic. No talking, just concentrating. Hoping, just hoping that the approaching car with the curved dome is a VW.
It's. About. Ta Go. Down.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
* It is of the utmost importance to note that second statement: "No punch-back!" If you don't yell it quickly enough, your neighbor will return that punch to you. NOT A GOOD THING!
